sinisterporpoise

It seems the biggest thing I’ve had to worry about this month, other than the possible upcoming housing crisis is whether or not my depression is getting worse. At least I’m not worried about it too much. My concern comes more from slacking in my grooming habits, such as taking a daily shower. I just don’t see the point if I’m not going out. Never mind that showers  are always a good way to wake me up for at least a little while. (I’ve never been exactly sure why this is, and it doesn’t matter.)

Right now, I need to make some decisions on goals as well as how to balance certain things. I have something that can serve as a job that allows me to sit down most of the time and switch positions as needed, even if it is not quite what I want.  (I still have to call Vocational Rehabilitation on Monday to set up an appointment I have a feeling that IU Health doesn’t want to send Vigo County records on a transgender person for a good reason, even though Vigo is one of Indiana’s “blue” counties.)

First, I need to decide where my values are on this. Although I still see myself as a writer, I’m not sure I can go back to content mill writing for long. At the moment, it may be a necessity, just as much as keeping it under the table is a necessity until I go through the Administrative law judge hearing.) I would rather blog again since this provides more of  sense of purpose, even though it dos little to bring in actual income. At some point, I may take up the therapist’s suggestion that I start an LGBT group locally, but I really think this needs more thought.  Maybe  it is more important right now to have some income coming in to the house.  

There’s also another matter to consider about this. Do I have enough spoons to make the effort worthwhile?  If I can only do one or two stories before becoming too tired to concentrate, it’s not really worth the effort.   (Note to self: Stop slacking and set up speech recognition on your laptop, Lara. You’re making your ‘tennis elbow’ as it’s listed on your  medical paperwork worse.)

But at least right now, I’m listening to some enjoyable Celtic music, and getting the chance to relax a little bit. Later, I’ll go to the library and print some Mage: the Awakening character sheets out.  (I much prefer the Old World of Darkness setting, Mage: the Ascension.)  I hope I can handle running a LARP without it setting off my social anxiety or having a relapse of what set me off in January. I think I can avid the latter by avoiding otc nasal sprays and most pills with pseudoephedrine.  If I can’t, it’s probably time to give up role playing games altogether.

Fortunately for her, a quick limp into the kitchen provided her with the answer she sought. “Okay. We’ll go. But you do understand that you’ll have to walk a lot, won’t you?  If I see any indication that you’re not able to walk long distances, we’re staying home.”

Now, I did not have a good response to this at the time, but now I think I do. Many such festivals have taken the leads of stores and provided mobility scooters and wheelchairs for people with mobility issues to use. I think I’ll just suggest that we rent one to her if she balks about going.  After all, she doesn’t mind spending extra time in the store when she can see I’m in pain if it will save a few cents.

It was not good news. It said that I could not get unemployment because I was not able and available. It included a penalty date, but it did not say when the penalty period would end. I assume this means it is an indefinite period, which means I am now stuck in the limbo of the disability system.

I would have been understandably upset at this letter, even though I expected this outcome. The other letter, however, added further insult. It was letting me know an IMPACT (Indiana Manpower and Comprehensive Training) session had been scheduled for me. I really want to cancel this because it’s a mistake, but I can’t afford to lose food stamp benefits right now.

I really wish life would just let up on me right now, rather than throwing one thing after another. It’d be nice if something happened that would make the current situation easier. And I seem to be losing appetite, another sign of depression. (Of course, one of my ways of dealing with depression is overeating, which isn’t good.)

 The SNAP issue was resolved quickly.  The workers figured it was some sort of common SNAFU with the main office in Marion County, who probably didn’t bother to read the official separation e-mail I sent them. It’s one less worry at least.

 Next, I went to the Catholic Charities building, which usually has a sign outside advertising the SafeLink program. No one put the sign out today, so I will have to wait for another time to use that method. This was a minor setback, and I can apply for the program online.

 With that out of the way, I set out for the Workforce building to see if there was anything that could be done with my unemployment claim.  I found out that it was still waiting available because I quit for medical reasons. I was told the process could take up to ten weeks, and there was no guarantee I would be approved. The worker still said I had to keep filing until the decision is made. (This does not make sense to me, but it just seems to be one of the hoops I have to jump through.)

 I wish I knew more about how to navigate this state’s systems, but it seems there are frustrations at every turn. Now it’s time rest and to recover the energy spent this morning.  Then, I can go on to doing dishes and baking bread.