sinisterporpoise

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIdr-2SSIy0a

Since returning Asexual News to something approaching life, I've been on the lookout for asexual news stories. They're not as easy to find as one might think.  I came across a person calling herself Miss MisAnthropist who used the #asexual hasthtag on Twitter. Now, I figure if someone uses this Hashtag, they clearly want the attention of asexuals, so I go see what she has to say, and it's god-awful.

It's just another "asexuals are special snowflakes" variety stuff that I shouldn't have even responded to on a slowest of news days, but I do so anyway, figuring she'll get a few hits off of it and I can build up my YouTube channel as well as get some more hits to my website. I make a short response video with my poor equipment, and I leave one comment.

This is where things go wrong. I challenged the self-perceived expert, and of course, the asexystuff.blogspot.com website no longer maintains the research on asexuality arhcives, but that's unreleated.

I go in for a few seconds to find out that it's about me. I haven't watched the rest of it and I'm afraid to.  This was not wise, Lara, you know things like this set off your social anxiety.   Just be nice.

 I've written about IMPACT in several places.  I think in a very specific case it is unfair. I've been referred to such programs in the past. Usually my attitude towards work was the problem. I may not have the greatest work ethic, but this was not the case this time. Someone just saw that I had been checked into the able-bodied box and made a referral. So far my doctors have been uncooperative in signing the medical exemption paperwork.   I get that my ailments may not be that bad from a medical standpoint, but it doesn't mean that an employer wants to hire me because of them.

I went into the office today to drop off some paperwork. I made it very clear that I only had an hour before I had to go to a physical therapist appointment.  I have tried, many times, to contain my anger and resentment. I know it's not the fault of the staff and their just doing their job, but they ought to be a little more concerned about how unfair it all seems to people in my situation. I called the staff worker back trying to see what questions she has, and tried to get her to move on to questions that I thought were relevant.

I started yelling at her. I've tried for so long to keep my anger against these people contained, but it always comes out eventually. I always feel guilty for doing it.  I'll have to end up apologizing, but the anger is not going to go away as long as I must continue this. The job search makes me feel worse, and you can't put down that you were sick or in too much pain to search for a job that day.  

I'm only doing it because the benefits are needed in the house right now. Money is tight right now and even the housemate is having problems.

At least new shoes are on the way. That's something...

 Despite feeling tired, I decided to go to the local gaming shop’s board game night.  I do this regularly simply for socialization.  I bowed out of the last game because I was feeling dizzy and nauseous.  I decided to stick around for a bit rather than take off right away. Eventually, the game ended and a conversation among two other people started.  Somehow the topic came around to certain first aid practices, and the words tampon and maxi pad came up in the conversation. He looked over at me every time he said this. I wonder if I was supposed to have some sort of input on the conversation.

As might be expected, I had nothing to say.  An army manual suggesting that soldiers use tampons to stop bleeding from a bullet wound did not surprise me.  After all, I know these devices are designed to soak up blood. I did not feel the need to share that I’d never used one, any more than I felt the need to share that I was in the Order of the Arrow when I was a scout.  I’m not sure what he expected any way.  I don’t think I could have added anything meaningful.

Even though it is possible I am over thinking the situation, I was the only female present at the time. Was I supposed to add something, even if to just confirm that soldiers using it in the field for first aid purposes was a valid use? It makes sense to me. Because I hope to never be a soldier in combat, I had nothing to say about that use.  He may have been looking at me to see if he said something that made him less masculine. If this was the case, he’s one of billions of men who need to get over that hang up.