sinisterporpoise

Almost all of my class materials have been bought, except for the one the teacher decided to spring on his students the first day. Even though there should be some sort of policy against this behavior, IvyTech does not seem to have one. Coming up with $48 for the code would not be slightly difficult under normal circumstances, but my circumstances are not normal. As I write this, I am sitting in the Wi-Fi study lounge, taking a quick break from doing some of the coursework. It’s been a busy week and I have a lot to cover. The book does not come with a code in the bookstore.

The first item is public transportation. I’m not overly impressed with Terre Haute’s bus system, but I am glad it is there. Bus trips take longer than car trips, but they must accommodate all the stops in between. I even managed to get to physical therapy yesterday without having to be driven there. (Note: The roommate isn’t letting me drive while the arm is healing; I decided not to drive at least until two days after the tilt table test. While I strongly suspect POTS* or some other form of Dysatonomia, I would like confirmation if possible. At least I know I’m not the first spoonie to be cheering for a medical test to come back positive. We know something is wrong; Our doctors think we’re nuts or doing it for attention. One thing that seems odd to have done at 39 is to set the alarm for 5 pm and miss the bus to get to classes. Fortunately, even though this event happened today, my roommate took me to class. I really wish I could do something to properly thank Cathy for all she’s done through this.

I think I’ve rediscovered my love of computers, programming them, working on them (somewhat – I’ve never been too thrilled with hardware issues. Some of these repairs require coordination.) I’m not sure that server administration is right for me and part of me really wants to switch to software development. My primary objection to coding so many years ago was the Visual suite of programming applications and look-alikes like Delphi. These programming environments have been replaced by programming for the web. I’m perfectly fine with doing that.

The first week is over. I’m a little nervous about whether or not I can keep down assignments. The idea some professors have of skipping the lectures and putting the information down as PowerPoint presentations bothers me, but I’ll get to this over the weekend. At least the school has provided lunch from a local barbecue place for the past few days. Eating it outdoors yesterday was a nice break.

As for the Mind’s Eye Society, I need to pay my dues, and I’m going to do that anyway. Now that I’m not mad, I can see where they are coming from. They wanted me to be in better control of my actions and emotions. I believe this attitude comes from the games itself where someone can spend willpower to temporarily override what the game calls derangements. Real life does not work this way. Suppressing something temporarily only causes it to pop up somewhere else later. If the Changeling storyteller hadn’t been the target that night, someone else would have been. Sadly, the only person who gets any of this is the person with Graves’ Disease who had his own melt downs about a year ago before taking medication to suppress his thyroid. I don’t know how many of them also have the attitude that people get better. No one has any idea that people with Hashimoto’s get put on an emotional rollercoaster, whether they want to be or not. I think they’re getting that idea now.

Before I ramble too much, the issue is this. I can come back. These meltdowns are going to happen continuously until my immune system kills off my thyroid. (I hope it doesn’t go searching for something else to attack after it’s done, but I’ve only seen a suggestion that it automatically happens on extremely pseudo-scientific websites.) If I am concerned about not hurting people over this, the best thing to do is quit. It is no different than a baseball pitcher who has to give up his career after a rotator cuff injury. I may have no choice but to be on an emotional rollercoaster, but I don’t want to take everyone around me with me. I’m not even paralyzed by anxiety over this; I simply don’t want to do it. No matter how many times I tell myself it’s the right course of action, I just can’t bring myself to believe it emotionally.

I have not asked for accommodations, but it does not seem like I'll need the school to do anything so far.
 

*It may be okay to just say I have it in casual conversation. The same might be true for EDS. It’s just telling doctors what I have should be avoided unless it’s already been documented or they need to know. That makes them suspicious. At least I have confirmed Hashimoto’s Disase.