sinisterporpoise

The year will end in a little over a day. Many people will be relieved to see the end of this year, and I am no exception. I will not be sorry to see it go.   My reasons are different, however. I do not care about the dearth of celebrity deaths. I do not think this is unusual, I just think that Generation X is now old enough to be losing their beloved celebrities. I will be anxious to see this end of the year because of a recurring theme. That theme has been nearly getting ahead only to have it pulled at the last minute. There’s also the bit at the end of the year which I will get into shortly.

However, let’s pause for a second. I usually use these to reflect on the previous year and include lessons I’ve learned.  Last year I had difficulty, but I think I’ve got some for this year. If there’s any upside to becoming chronically ill, it’s that it’s increased my empathy for other people who have been down or are going down the path I am now treading.  I would not want anyone to go down this particular path just to gain this knowledge. Anyone who has been there know how much it sucks. If they developed it long after childhood, they know how they viewed people in chronic pain before. I assume like me, they regretted it.

Forgive me, I’m trying not to complain. I’m grateful for the increased empathy.  It’s helped me better understand what other people are going through. I’m thankful for the opportunity I had to re-examine my beliefs and to be given an opportunity for personal growth.  Personal growth is always painful. I just thought it would never be so painful physically.

I’ve also had an opportunity to meet some wonderful, compassionate people. (Although I wonder if I’m coming off as a hypochondriac sometimes. I find it hard to believe some of the stuff I’ve been through in the past two years.)   I’ve even had to accept some of my relationships with family members were unhealthy and emotionally abusive.  I’m not going to mention which ones.

Now, I’m ending this year slightly scared, and at this point people may stop reading.  There’s medial stuff following.  

Ok, stop reading….

If you’re still here at this point, I got a call yesterday from my endocrinologist. For the first time ever, I had my A1C tested. Now, I know there’s a family history. I know being overweight, and having Hashimoto’s Disease are risk factors for developing Type II diabetes. (The last one is also a risk factor for developing Type I diabetes.)   I just thought she’d continue testing my glucose levels, which have always come back within the normal range.

Any way, they were elevated. I heard the phrase pre-diabetes. For the last day or so, I’ve had to wonder what this means. Does this mean I’ll need to inject things? Does it mean I need to test my blood sugar regularly? Does it mean I’ll have to make more dietary changes.

Today, after doing some reading I am calmer. It’s just most likely going to be controlled through diet and what little exercise I can do. It means that it will be mostly diet and calorie counting. Not wanting to develop diabetes is one of the many reasons I started exercising two years ago.  (And it was this exercise program that probably set off my fibromyalgia and led me to discover I had Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.)  Things aren’t that bad yet.

But they could be if I don’t take this seriously.