sinisterporpoise

 The past year has presented its own challenges.  Becoming sick, dealing with chronic pain, and having to deal with all of the fallout that’s come from that. It’s not over yet.  However, it’s also caused to re-evaluate some of my long-held beliefs. Unlike my religious beliefs, they are not deeply held beliefs. They are simply assumptions that I had made about which political party had the right idea to fix some of the problems in this country, particularly for people who are working class and otherwise poor. I have also re-examined some of my spiritual beliefs as part of the process.

Although I do not claim to be an expert on Daoism, I do appreciate the spiritual philosophy of the Dao De Jing.  The Dao, supposedly, shows us the way. Like water, it goes to the low and loathsome places – according to Ursula K. LeGuin’s version – and it nourishes all.  It does this for every thing, and it asks nothing in return.  We are all caught in its current, and each of our lives takes place within its streams. Going against that path makes things tougher for us, although it is not impossible to change direction, but the current makes it extremely difficult for each of us to drastically change our directions.

I thought about this for a while and how it sits with how I have lived my life, which is essentially in conflict from the direction it seems to be taking.  Now, this also conflicts somewhat with how I see things.  I believe that life is a struggle that we face from the day we are born until the day we die.  

Finding a way to avoid the cognitive dissonance caused by these two conflicting beliefs is not easy.  However, I think there is a way.  I don’t know if there’s something I’m supposed to learn in this life or not. If there is, I think it’s about learning which battles I should fight and which battles I should not.  I don’t want to let go of the path my life has been taking. I’ve had fairly steady employment.  I’ve finally kept a job for more than two years, even if it does not pay particularly well. The signals I’m getting now are telling me I should let go of this and accept that the elements of my Wyrd that are beyond my control. Those elements are suggesting that my life needs to take a new direction.

Whether I like it to or not, my Wyrd has been joined to the Wyrds of others who suffer from chronic illnesses. Maybe it’s time I used my meager talents to help them. I’ve even got a good idea of how to do it.