sinisterporpoise

(Note: Readers can see the video here.  There is a lot of valid criticism to apply to this message, but I am only applying it to my situation.)

Yesterday, I came across a video called, “Sometimes we just need to shut up.” I am not going to argue for or against the Vlogger’s advice on a broad level, but I think it’s applicable to me.

When I first started suffering from intense pain in my right thigh nearly a year ago, I complained vociferously about the pain I felt in my right thigh. It’s understandable. The cramping kept me up at night, and the pain almost brought me to tears.  However, even I got tired of it, and I realized other people probably got tired of me complaining about it. The only lasting effect I’ve had from this is learning a lot more about migraines than I’d care to because my roommate now figures it’s safe to talk about her symptoms when she experiences them. 

Perhaps one of the things that drew me to journalism in the first place is the belief that information should be shared. I want to put helpful information out there so people can use it.  A side effect of this is I often offer up information that people do not need to know or even care about.  (This could indicate that I’m on the Autism spectrum.)   At first, I told everyone how I felt, but eventually I realized that most people do not care.

It does not mean that complete strangers are cruel or heartless. It’s just that they do not know me. They have problems of their own that they do not share with me on a daily basis. A complete stranger has no reason to trust me with this information, and even if they did, there’s often little I can do about it anyway.  Some of the people who I might have told, including co-workers, might not have had my interests at heart. Because my workplace is dominated by women, I know that its interpersonal politics can be quite vicious.   Starting the job while presenting as male shields me from some but not all of this behavior.

I don’t always withhold this information when I should. If I experience a lot of pain, I may let this information slip because my mind is elsewhere at the moment. I’ve also had to answer the questions of persistent people who can see that something is wrong. One customer even handed me a business card and told me he could fix my problem.   (That business card is now hanging on the refrigerator, ostensibly in order to build a ‘quack file’ of people never to contact.)

Now, she suggests just saying that someone is fine as a way of starting new conversations or taking a break. I am not as social as the woman who does the Chronic Babe vlog and Youtube videos, but regardless of why she or I do it, it’s still a good practice not to focus on what is wrong all the time.