sinisterporpoise

You know, it would be nice if the NRA were simply actually concerned about the civil rights that come with owning a gun and making sure they were applied equally instead of becoming a political wing of the Republican party.  Also, I thought she'd given up listening to the NRA radio feed.

In any case, it's time to recover some mana before going out again today. I spent the morning getting better fitting shoes for work and getting some groceries.  I still want to go out some more, but I have to remember that I need to work tomorrow and shouldn't overdo it.

I discovered this yesterday.  

The dental clinic had an opening and was able to fit me in this morning. I found this out last night, and agreed to come in.  It was a mixture of both good and bad news. The good news is it's not any nerve running through that area causing the pain. The bad news is that my final set of wisdom teeth need pulled. 

 I got paid yesterday. Most of the money is spent. $20 went to a health insurance premium, $45 went for my cell phone bill, and $6 went to feeding my latest addiction, George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire novels. I have around $20 to get through the next week after this. There are not extensive bills, but $100 to get through two weeks is not quite enough.  At least one freelancing client should send their payment Monday, but that extra $25 will not go far either.  I can only draw one conclusion from the current circumstances. I need a better job.

Now, I just need to figure out how to pull this off. Factory work, which is what is mostly available here, is out.

 While I have extra energy, which I assume is related to something resembling reasonable Winter weather holding sway for the past few days, I've been trying to get things done. (Washing dishes, sweeping floors, throwing out things the roommate hopefully won't notice or doesn't remember she has, and most importantly, doing some freelance writing and working on personal writing projects.) However, I have come to the more difficult parts of the project. Two of the essays "Exploring Femininity through Online Gaming" and "The Year in Shamokin" were particularly difficult to write.  Rewriting them and doing the final edits will be just as fun, I think.

These events revolve around stressful times. It took the death of my mother to pull me out of the original Everquest, a game which I spent ten to fourteen hours a day playing, and The Year in Shamokin details the events that led to my departure from the Keystone State. The latter ended with an argument from an Ultra-Christian landlord, who also suffered from PTSD.  If the events had not occurred at the anniversary of my mother's death, I might have handled them better. (I also should have asked the psychiatrist to up my Zoloft dosage at this time.  That time of year has always been difficult for me.)

But I have finished the 2nd draft of the first essay mentioned, and I'm reluctant to go on to the second.  As tempting as it is to take a nap, I'm pretty sure I've already slept for twelve hours today.  Perhaps I need cookies to restore my mana...

 Me: [Kneeling down to pick up laundry sorted on the bed.] [Groans in pain.]
Me: [Bends back up with whites in hand.] How are you today? Are you at least better than I am?
Roommate: Probably. I promise I won't use my pain-free privilege over you.
Me: Never use that phrase again.

 The LARP crew waved me into the Denny’s tables on that early Sunday morning. I had arrived several minutes later than the rest of the group. As I sat down, I looked at the menu and prepared my order. After the waitress arrived with our drinks, I apologized for my tardiness. I informed the table that I would have arrived sooner if I had not forgotten where I had parked.  I blinked as the person sitting across from me said, “That’s common in our world.” My brain did not process what this information until I saw her wince and heard her utter a pained expression.  I realized she meant the world of fibromyalgia sufferers. This incident happened two weeks ago, but I still remember it.  It provided a starting point for a line of thought.

Her statement caused me to realize we enter new worlds all the time. Sometimes we rush into these new worlds willingly. Other times, we enter them with reluctance or have it forced upon them. Most of the time, we enter new worlds without ever noticing the change.  The changes come slowly, gradually. We accept the small changes as we come. After years of these little changes, we may wonder what happened to the places we used to know so well. 

Hundreds of variations exist. The world that existed when you were younger does not exist today, for example. Another one says, “You can never cross the same river twice.”  All of these attempt to express one idea. Our worlds, or our universes if you prefer, change constantly. The boldest of us wade into these new universes without hesitation.  Most of us cannot do this. We try to keep things as comfortable as possible for us, without realizing how futile a task this ultimately is.

I woke up at around 7 o'clock this morning. As I walked out to the kitchen to begin my morning ritual, I took a few seconds to look at the counter. The can of cream cheese icing I'd left on the counter remained. The red velvet cake mix that I had taken out that night before seemed to be missing.

As I usually do in such situations, I searched the kitchen panicking. I had intended to make the cake last night, ice it this morning and eat a piece or two today. I decided to put it off until today after feeling sick to my stomach last night. (Cooking in this state is not a particularly enjoyable experience.)

I spent fifteen minutes rearranging items in the kitchen, only to find I had put it beside the cabinet. For a few seconds, I was entertaining the idea that my roommate had made it, but that seemed unlikely.