"I was trying to be polite!"

[sinisterporpoise]

 I went to a meeting with one of the officers of the Terre Haute Mind’s Eye Society domain. During the course of the meeting, a discussion about places to hold the game and accessibility issues occurred. At some point during the meeting, the individual uttered the phrase, “People like you, Trina, and Jaileen have issues with parking when we game at Indiana State University.” The three people she mentioned all use a cane.  She mentioned another member of the group who could not get in the building because she uses a wheelchair. (I found this one difficult to believe because the building in question offers many ramps for wheelchair users, but I did not press the issue.)  Thinking nothing of it, I uttered the phrase “people with a disability?”  She replied, “I was trying to put it nicely.”

I wondered if I said something wrong. I do not possess tact in great abundance, and I’m not surprised when someone takes offense to something I’ve said in these situations. As I reviewed the situation, I was not sure I did anything wrong, although some people would tell me I should have said disabled people, rather than say people with a disability.

I made no attempt to be politically correct, especially as it was a casual conversation and there was no need to be as guarded as I might be otherwise.  wondered why she would object to me using this language, especially after she included me in the list of people she was worried about. The parking at Indiana State University is atrocious, and it’s worse if you can’t use the disabled parking spaces. (I’ve asked my doctor about getting a disabled parking placard once, and he said, ‘No, but we’ll wait to see what the rheumatologist says.’ I have not asked him since.)

I’m sure this won’t keep me awake at night, unlike the other situation I now face in this group. 8It seems she wants to remove someone from their current position within the group and have me learn her current roles. I’m not comfortable with this, especially after being forced out of my job at work.)

Now it’s time to get ready for the IMPACT session. If Indiana is happy to waste my time telling me about services that won’t work for me, I’m willing to oblige them for now.

Comments

[silk_dragon_zen]

“I was trying to be polite”??? Wow, that reveals some ableism on her part: Disabled (or has a disability) is not an insult.

[sinisterporpoise]

Two of the three people she mentioned have fibromyalgia and arthritis. The other had her meniscus removed. All three of us *know* what we deal with. It was a fear of saying the wrong thing. i should have just let her know that ignoring the issue doesn't make it go away for me.

Her cervical cancer surgery in April is a mitigating factor. I'd rather have had my year than hers.

[silk_dragon_zen]

Having an illness or a disability is no excuse for thinking cowardly use of language around disability is okay. She has some soul searching to do around the subject. I mean, I'm pretty damned Disabled, but I used to have massive amounts of internalized ableism, not to mention unexamined ableist attitudes about other people's disabilities, both those that I shared and those that I didn't share. That wasn't okay and I'm glad I finally got a clue in the past few years.

[sinisterporpoise]

I want to say it was just a case of Midwestern tact going too far, but I'm not sure.

[silk_dragon_zen]

Again, how is it tactful to imply that Disabled is an insult?

[sinisterporpoise]

It wasn't tactful, but she might not have known what language to use. I don't know why she felt that way. I have a feeling I'm being incredibly dense here because I was not annoyed with her language. I had assumed, as I often do in these situations, that the problem was on *my* end.

But I know the three people mentioned don't mind saying they have a disability. At least the discussion *was* focussing on accessibility issues. Next time I'll have to bring up the visually impaired person who's been coming to game and what we can do for her.