I'd rather not screw the TERFS, but that's beside the point. I'm going to disagree with Vlad here slightly. I think it depends more on context and what people are looking for. Certainly, when my Dad offers solutions to problems, he's not doing it to be abusive. It's just his way of caring. This should be issued with one caveat, I'm pretty sure my father is autistic.
In a support group, people aren't looking for solutions, generally, especially if they have something for which there is no cure, even if it isn't ultimately fatal. They've probably heard it all before. I'm not sure that giving unwanted advice is always abusive, but there are times when it is simply rude. (I'm also not sure I'm responding to the right person here.) It's just a matter of learning when and where it is appropriate and applying context. For example, if I ever make it back into the workforce, if the boss comes up to me saying, "Why isn't our web server working?" He doesn't want me to say "Gee, that's terrible." He wants me to diagnose the problem and fix it. Someone who just got diagnosed with a chronic illness or who is living with it doesn't need advice.
But it's also a matter of listening and picking up on social cues. If that can't be done, I can at least listen to what the person wants.
I know I've gotten advice on fibnoromyalgia (and fortunately none on EDS) from various non-medical sources. Some people are mean. Some people mean well. I have to throw both types of advice away. It's not that the latter type of people don't care. It's just that I know their advice won't work. Sometimes, I've already tried it.
And as one doctor put it, getting to the diagnosis of EDS is like going down a rabbit hole. I still don't know how deep it is. Fortunately, Hashimoto's Disease, for the most part is treated by taking a pill. (Then there are all the pills for the conditions that seem to come with EDS-HT along with the physical therapy.)
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Date: 2017-04-23 10:58 pm (UTC)In a support group, people aren't looking for solutions, generally, especially if they have something for which there is no cure, even if it isn't ultimately fatal. They've probably heard it all before. I'm not sure that giving unwanted advice is always abusive, but there are times when it is simply rude. (I'm also not sure I'm responding to the right person here.) It's just a matter of learning when and where it is appropriate and applying context. For example, if I ever make it back into the workforce, if the boss comes up to me saying, "Why isn't our web server working?" He doesn't want me to say "Gee, that's terrible." He wants me to diagnose the problem and fix it. Someone who just got diagnosed with a chronic illness or who is living with it doesn't need advice.
But it's also a matter of listening and picking up on social cues. If that can't be done, I can at least listen to what the person wants.
I know I've gotten advice on fibnoromyalgia (and fortunately none on EDS) from various non-medical sources. Some people are mean. Some people mean well. I have to throw both types of advice away. It's not that the latter type of people don't care. It's just that I know their advice won't work. Sometimes, I've already tried it.
And as one doctor put it, getting to the diagnosis of EDS is like going down a rabbit hole. I still don't know how deep it is. Fortunately, Hashimoto's Disease, for the most part is treated by taking a pill. (Then there are all the pills for the conditions that seem to come with EDS-HT along with the physical therapy.)