I also do the 'immediate problem-solving offered' thing. I am also autistic. There may be correlation, but I don't know if that's what matters.
Another way to look at it is that this is a strategy. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it does not. People have preferred and less-preferred strategies inbound and outbound for getting the information and emotional valiadation they need out of a conversation.
I think what matters is asking Does It Work? and trying to tell apart the times when it does work from the times when it does not work. With those kinds of fine social gradient distinctions being exactly what are the hardest for me. I have a few rough guidelines on this for myself, but yours will likely be different.
>> I don't think this is entirely a socialized as male thing, although men tend to interact with each other this way. << I think this is a distraction from the topic at hand and a guilt trip laid on you. Fuck the TERFs. Every single person has a UNIQUE set of experiences. And the experience of people telling you you are gender whatever when you are *not* is crucially different from that of people reinforcing a gender that someone actually identifies with. Yes it is informative of your current experience if people expected you to act male, but not moreso than the equally important facts of how you *felt* about that. Also, at least one person I know who was theoretically also 'socialized as male' (ick) is the LEAST problem-solve-y and most just-listen-y person I know well. So. YMMV.
So. That is a thought. Well, several. Please please let me know if those were HELPFUl thoughts to offer or not. (Um. Yeah.)
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Date: 2017-04-22 06:46 pm (UTC)Another way to look at it is that this is a strategy. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it does not. People have preferred and less-preferred strategies inbound and outbound for getting the information and emotional valiadation they need out of a conversation.
I think what matters is asking Does It Work? and trying to tell apart the times when it does work from the times when it does not work. With those kinds of fine social gradient distinctions being exactly what are the hardest for me. I have a few rough guidelines on this for myself, but yours will likely be different.
>> I don't think this is entirely a socialized as male thing, although men tend to interact with each other this way. << I think this is a distraction from the topic at hand and a guilt trip laid on you. Fuck the TERFs. Every single person has a UNIQUE set of experiences. And the experience of people telling you you are gender whatever when you are *not* is crucially different from that of people reinforcing a gender that someone actually identifies with. Yes it is informative of your current experience if people expected you to act male, but not moreso than the equally important facts of how you *felt* about that. Also, at least one person I know who was theoretically also 'socialized as male' (ick) is the LEAST problem-solve-y and most just-listen-y person I know well. So. YMMV.
So. That is a thought. Well, several. Please please let me know if those were HELPFUl thoughts to offer or not. (Um. Yeah.)