TERFs are completely wrong here: it's not like all cis women remember to sympathize or try to understand where someone is coming from when they need to talk and get stuff off their chest. And it's not like all cis men try to give advice as their first response when someone confides in them about a problem in their life.
Certainly the common belief is that there is a gender split — men are said to be more likely to do this, while women are said to be more likely to sympathize first — but that hasn't born out in my experience. My father is more likely to sympathize, while my mother is more likely to snap useless advice at me (though these days she's gotten way better than she used to be about this).
In my opinion, it's a communication skills thing, rather than a gender thing. Partly it may be a brain-wiring thing, but partly I think it's how you're raised. People raised by elders who commonly respond sympathetically — listen without interrupting, occasionally nod, express sympathy, squeeze a hand or shoulder, maybe ask a non-leading question or two, etc. — tend to be more likely to do the same with others as they themselves grow up. People raised by those who jump in with advice whether asked for or not tend to do the same as they themselves grow to adulthood.
It's a cycle of abuse thing, IMO. But since most people in our culture don't realize it can be abusive not to *show* your sympathy to someone confiding something to you, we often don't realize how much damage this can do to working and family relationships over time.
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Date: 2017-04-22 05:42 pm (UTC)Certainly the common belief is that there is a gender split — men are said to be more likely to do this, while women are said to be more likely to sympathize first — but that hasn't born out in my experience. My father is more likely to sympathize, while my mother is more likely to snap useless advice at me (though these days she's gotten way better than she used to be about this).
In my opinion, it's a communication skills thing, rather than a gender thing. Partly it may be a brain-wiring thing, but partly I think it's how you're raised. People raised by elders who commonly respond sympathetically — listen without interrupting, occasionally nod, express sympathy, squeeze a hand or shoulder, maybe ask a non-leading question or two, etc. — tend to be more likely to do the same with others as they themselves grow up. People raised by those who jump in with advice whether asked for or not tend to do the same as they themselves grow to adulthood.
It's a cycle of abuse thing, IMO. But since most people in our culture don't realize it can be abusive not to *show* your sympathy to someone confiding something to you, we often don't realize how much damage this can do to working and family relationships over time.