(no subject)

 Note to self: Even if you think you have valid reasons based on memories you don't fully trust to be worried about someone, do not project your own ableist fears onto others.  (Yes, you don't want to see what happened to your mother happen to anyone else, but you also know despite your best efforts, nothing you did prevented your mother's death.)

Further note to self: It might be a good idea to actually talk to a psychologist regarding your concerns/fears that you might have some milder form of schizophrenia or schizoafective disorder.

Busy day

 In the past two days, I have walked over a mile to get to a bus stop, had an appointment with the hand specialist, completed my quantitative reasoning project, attended my Linux class, did two Linux labs, did the two tests for Linux, went to a physical therapy appointment, and cooked dinner for tonight. I also went to Wal-Mart, although this was unexpected. I still have some quantitative reasoning homework left to do.  

It may not seem like it, but I am tired. After napping tonight, I only woke up more tired. There is something I am wondering about right now after worrying about something else. Clearly, my experiences with my mother's death traumatized me. I've never questioned this. One doesn't expect a loved one to lock themselves into their room for days. No one expects a police officer to come down the stairs after a welfare check and tell them that the same loved one is dead.  Seeing behavior that reminds me of this in others causes a panicked reaction in me.  Is it possible there's some form of PTSD at work here?  (PTSD might not be the accurate term here.)  In any case, this is something I need to talk over with a therapist at some point.  Is it possible that anyone I perceive who might be in a similar situation is a trigger for me?  (Note to those who complain about trigger warnings: This is, in fact, the context in which the term trigger warning arose.  So kindly fuck off.)

Back to the original point. I have been pushing myself for the past week and a half or so to get all the work the professors try to squeeze in before the finals done.  I am going to rest tomorrow and hope my body takes the time to calm down a little bit. I have no choice to keep going at a fairly frenzied pace until after finals.  The increased number of muscle aches, cramps, and possibly even today's fatigue are a good example that my I am stressed.  (Not that tonight's incident helped this any.)

In any case, it is my goal to be off of social media in all forms for the greater portion of the day tomorrow.  My body has been letting me know it needs some time to recover for a while.