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I can't do it -- some thoughts
Oct. 7th, 2016 12:55 pm Everyone who knows me knows that I'm quite adept at putting my foot in my mouth. I can say I've learned from this behavior, but it's not something I'd recommend. It seems that a few times on Dreamwidth, I've told people that they can do something with a little more practice. I usually said it when there was something that should have been clear from their previous statements that this was not possible for the writer. My response has bugged me for sometime, and it comes down to how people view disabilities.
Now, I know I am intelligent. I believe I can write well, and it helps I've had other people tell me the same thing. I can write, so I am not going to make my point here. Instead, I'll go back to my own past. I know that my coordination is poor, and has been since I was a child. My elementary school made me go through a special program designed to improve it. Even now, I can still remember one hated exercise which involved using your hands to spin two wheels in different directions.
In adult life, I tried factory work at one or two points. Given my depression and social anxiety disorder, I switched jobs frequently. Usually depression or anxiety would set in and cause me to act in a way that would eventually get me fired. Factory work, however, was a different story. I never lasted more than a week or two. At one place, I didn't even last a night. The problem each time is that my coordination also means I have to do things more slowly in order to do them to correctly. If I am allowed to practice the motions, I might become proficient. (This is something that can take months and years. People see I can type quite quickly and assume I should be able to work in factory just fine. They forget I've been typing two-handed since the 7th grade.) However, no factory setting would ever give me this time. It's not a reasonable expectation. Factories need to meet their production goals to make a profit.
When I tell other people that I can't do factory work because of my poor coordination, they tell me all I need is practice. No, they forget something. I need to practice the specific skills over and over again for years. No factory manager wants to give me that time. Unskilled workers are easily replaced. Why give me the time to catch up when they can let me go and find someone else willing to do the job who doesn't have this issue? The "you just need practice" answer always annoyed me. They had assumed because it worked this way for them, that it should work this way for me. It never has, and I know I can't do factory work. Everyone else just assumed it was laziness or a dislike of manual labor on my part. (My dislike of manual labor does exist, but it is a separate issue.)
After going over the more recent events when I did the same thing to others, I've revised my position. It's not that the people who knew me who told me I needed practice didn't believe I had poor coordination. It's that they thought I should be able to overcome it. That all it took to overcome this particular problem was practice. (No, this has dogged me for years. The fact that I am not as good at video games that require coordination as the rest of them is a clue.) But they all thought that this particular disability of mine is something that I should be able to overcome. Society seems to think the same way about people with all disabilities, and this is, I think, one of the problems with inspiration porn. It gives able-bodied people unrealistic expectations of what disabled people should be able to do. No amount of practice is going to resolve my overall coordination issues, which are likely related to Asperger's Syndrome and possible EDS. (By possible, I mean undiagnosed by a medical professional. I'm damn sure my physical therapists have suspected this for a while just by the questions that pop-up from time to time. After compiling some family stories about my early life, it seems highly likely that I do have it.) Asperger's Syndrome -- now folded into Autism -- is something that is going to be with me my whole life. EDS is something I've likely had for a long time as well, but from what I've read, loose joints predispose someone to developing fibromyalgia.) And if I found it annoying when people did this to me, why wouldn't someone else with a similar problem find it annoying when I did this to them?
It seems that I suffered from an ableist attitude and did not realize it. Even the first correction didn't help. I probably still hold this attitude. Now that I recognize that I still see some disabilities as something that everyone can overcome, I will be on the lookout for it more.
Now, I know I am intelligent. I believe I can write well, and it helps I've had other people tell me the same thing. I can write, so I am not going to make my point here. Instead, I'll go back to my own past. I know that my coordination is poor, and has been since I was a child. My elementary school made me go through a special program designed to improve it. Even now, I can still remember one hated exercise which involved using your hands to spin two wheels in different directions.
In adult life, I tried factory work at one or two points. Given my depression and social anxiety disorder, I switched jobs frequently. Usually depression or anxiety would set in and cause me to act in a way that would eventually get me fired. Factory work, however, was a different story. I never lasted more than a week or two. At one place, I didn't even last a night. The problem each time is that my coordination also means I have to do things more slowly in order to do them to correctly. If I am allowed to practice the motions, I might become proficient. (This is something that can take months and years. People see I can type quite quickly and assume I should be able to work in factory just fine. They forget I've been typing two-handed since the 7th grade.) However, no factory setting would ever give me this time. It's not a reasonable expectation. Factories need to meet their production goals to make a profit.
When I tell other people that I can't do factory work because of my poor coordination, they tell me all I need is practice. No, they forget something. I need to practice the specific skills over and over again for years. No factory manager wants to give me that time. Unskilled workers are easily replaced. Why give me the time to catch up when they can let me go and find someone else willing to do the job who doesn't have this issue? The "you just need practice" answer always annoyed me. They had assumed because it worked this way for them, that it should work this way for me. It never has, and I know I can't do factory work. Everyone else just assumed it was laziness or a dislike of manual labor on my part. (My dislike of manual labor does exist, but it is a separate issue.)
After going over the more recent events when I did the same thing to others, I've revised my position. It's not that the people who knew me who told me I needed practice didn't believe I had poor coordination. It's that they thought I should be able to overcome it. That all it took to overcome this particular problem was practice. (No, this has dogged me for years. The fact that I am not as good at video games that require coordination as the rest of them is a clue.) But they all thought that this particular disability of mine is something that I should be able to overcome. Society seems to think the same way about people with all disabilities, and this is, I think, one of the problems with inspiration porn. It gives able-bodied people unrealistic expectations of what disabled people should be able to do. No amount of practice is going to resolve my overall coordination issues, which are likely related to Asperger's Syndrome and possible EDS. (By possible, I mean undiagnosed by a medical professional. I'm damn sure my physical therapists have suspected this for a while just by the questions that pop-up from time to time. After compiling some family stories about my early life, it seems highly likely that I do have it.) Asperger's Syndrome -- now folded into Autism -- is something that is going to be with me my whole life. EDS is something I've likely had for a long time as well, but from what I've read, loose joints predispose someone to developing fibromyalgia.) And if I found it annoying when people did this to me, why wouldn't someone else with a similar problem find it annoying when I did this to them?
It seems that I suffered from an ableist attitude and did not realize it. Even the first correction didn't help. I probably still hold this attitude. Now that I recognize that I still see some disabilities as something that everyone can overcome, I will be on the lookout for it more.