Jumbled thoughts before going to get my teeth filled

 For now, I am just going to write down some thoughts that may or may not be at random. I seem to be unable to think of a single topic of this post, perhaps because I’m more focused on the dental appointment or if I come back to this later, dealing with the after effects. 

Now, I’ve somehow managed to get an interview.  I’m not sure how, nor am I sure I can do it. I know the job doesn’t involve standing all day long.  I really don’t have the clothes for it, nor am I sure that this is what I want. I am only doing it because some bureaucrat has told me that I need to do this to continue getting benefits.  (This experience will probably be filed under the “Indiana sucks” portion of my mind, even though it only deals with one part of the experience, and not the whole state.)

As annoying as the interview is, I’ve also been thinking about a recent conversation and how I react to such things. I’m not sure if it was simple fog or a communication gap, but I got the feeling I didn’t understand what the other person said entirely.  I think my attitude might have been part of the problem. I acknowledged I screwed up, eventually tried to stop defending my position, and made a note to change my behavior in the future. I’m not sure if it was fog or a stunning lack of empathy on my part. In any case, I know I still have a long way to go when it comes to overcoming culturally absorbed attitudes on many things, including disability. And I should have not have used the language I used, even if I were quoting someone else.  Now, if I can just make sure that I understand what the other person is trying to say, even if they have to get through some incredibly thick fibro fog. The other party has every right to be annoyed at me for doing this.

Since  I mentioned something with an emotional impact, and this is a case where I’m not sure I understood the emotions the other person was trying to convey, I might as well go on to the topic of physical hugs.   I let people do it because it is important to them. I’m not getting anything out of it, unless they manage to press on the wrong part of my skin.  If they do that, I’ll feel a physical sensation, and the expression of pain sometimes makes others feel guilty. (And I feel bad after these occasions)  I’ve gotten over my phobia over hugs, which I think came that being touched was a constant reminder that my body was wrong.

And the final thing on my mind, before I go to the dentist’s office are web site accessibility issues. I wonder if there were changes that could make them more easily accessible. It’s not a pressing issue right now.  I thought about having each article read aloud and making the audio accessible, but I’m not sure that would solve the problem. As for potential designs favoring left-handed users, such a thing would be unintentional, even if it existed.

Now, I’m off to the dentist. It’d have been nice to have my wisdom teeth pulled by now, but at least they’ve stopped hurting.  For some reason, the dental company doesn't think teeth extractions would be a necessary part of dental care.