Hiraeth

[sinisterporpoise]

 I ran across this word on my Facebook news feed. The word is Welsh in origin, and it does not have a direct English equivalent. It is homesickness with a sense of a nostalgia. A longing to return to the home of your past, coupled with a fear that such a place may never return. It also carries the idea that somehow, the place you remember may only have existed in your head. (Warning: I seem to be having a low spoons/mana day so I may end this post abruptly.)

For the past few months, I have longed to return to Pennsylvania, thinking that the return would improve my situation slightly. The Keystone State does provide greater support for people in my situation. I've avoided seeking out a return. Money is one barrier, but I also know that I may just want to believe that the grass is greener on the other side. Returning home would also mean dealing with my family on a more regular basis, and that can drain a lot of energy.   I want to think that I'd be better off in Pennsylvania or any other blue state, but there is no guarantee that this would be the case.   

On an unrelated note, I recall another conversation where I said I could accept being in pain for the rest of my life as simply how things are. I wouldn't mind this situation ending, but the response surprised me. The other party in the conversation said, "I don't like to think like that." I didn't think I was being negative, but I don't see how accepting things are they ARE could be misconstrued as negativity.  I've found this to be a necessary step in dealing with other long-term problems.

Comments

[silk_dragon_zen]

I wasn't saying that she ought to have adopted your way of thinking (since what works for most people doesn't necessarily work for everyone). I was trying to say that she ought to have been more accepting of your way of thinking as being right for you, even if that didn't work for her. Or at least she ought to have responded in a way that didn't seem to put you down for how you were responding to your pain.

And I'm sorry I didn't respond to the original intent of this post. I'll put that in another comment.

[sinisterporpoise]

I don't know. It's tricky to guess what is going on for someone else, but for me, it was part of the denial stage.

[silk_dragon_zen]

Yeah, that makes sense.