sinisterporpoise: (Default)
 I applied for a disabled parking permit today.   I have been avoiding this because walking and gentle exercise are good for fibromyalgia and EDS, but I got sick of arguing with the roommate that walking would not hurt her either.  I decided to reduce stress in the house and just apply for it. The rheumatologist filled it out today, and she filled out the student loan discharge papers again, and will have the doctor sign them. I  also made sure that the problem I've had with my back for a few months now which seems to be getting better should go away.

In any case, I engaged in a few busy nights of thinking about the current presidency and what it means. I basically have two methods for dealing with problems. The first is to confront them head on, and the latter is to avoid them. Neither one is desirable in most circumstances. Some people described me as having a warrior's spirit, but I always had problems with that one.  The problem most people I've found with Teutoonic restronstructionist, outside of the obvious racism, is that people tend to take the myths to mean *literal* battles, rather than seeing the battle as a stand in for the struggles that come with life. Without getting too far off track on this matter, I think they mean that I will fight if I'm able to and I see something that's wrong.  

I know this method normally causes friction, but I think I can see plenty of reason to continue it with the Trump administration in power. The president represents a real threat to me and people I care about.  LGBTQ people may suffer because his followers don't pay attention to what he says, Jewish people may suffer because of his failures to combat anti-antisemitism, my former colleagues in the press are suffering because of his battle with reality, and of course, disabled people are likely to be the first to see the ax if expanded Medicaid is cut.  (I do not even blame Trump for this one.)

The time for reasoned debate with Trump supporters is, I believe, over. It is not time to protest through violent means. The government processes are still working.  President Cheetolini needs people to remind him every day, and people need to keep the phone lines busy. I wish I had more time and energy  myself. As someone I've met in my online travels put it -- direct action is the only action that matters now.
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 The third week of classes is down, and I managed to approach the Networking Fundamentals professor and tell him that he was going to fast. I must not have been the only other person with that complaint, because he did slow down the next week. He even places the 32-bit version of Cisco's packet tracer in the class sessions for next week.  It's a good start.  I'm still not enjoying the class, but I can see it's usefulness. However, I plan on working on servers, not dealing with the cabling or the Cisco routers. Let someone else do that. Laying cables is a lot of physical work I'd find taxing and extremely painful.

Secondly, well, if anyone else reading this has EDS, except for the one person I *know* who does, can help with a problem, please do so. (I won't stop this person from providing advice, but last I heard from them, they were still running on a severe spoon deficit.) I've thought I'v'e suffered from dyscalcula for years, but now I'm wondering. After taking a quantitative reasoning course, I'm wondering if my problem isn't related to something else. I have the same terrible handwriting I've always had, and I think this causes many of my problems I've had with math over the years.  I know from previous experience that larger diameter writing utensils work.  (My third grade teacher tried this approach with many of her students with poor penmanship. This is the only time in elementary school I got VGs and Gs (As and Bs) in handwriting in elementary school. Too bad it would take three decades to figure out the reason for this.)  So, can anyone help me out here?

My hand should be entirely free of the brace soon. I've been using this time to get some writing in, but much of my time needs to be devoted to my school work. I just wish that the ODAR office would schedule my hearing soon. It would also help if the new adapter for my Dell would get here soon, but Fedex shows it as being in California.   There's another item I'm waiting for, and I'll be extremely upset if the folding cane I ordered from Amazon does show up on Friday. (Read on to find out why...)

For the past few weeks or so, I've been having difficulty accepting that I am about to turn 40.  I don't mean that I'm flat-out denying it, it's just that I've been trying to stave off the psychological blows that usually come with it.  Anyone who has or is about to reach this age knows what I'm talking about. Has my life so far made a difference? My life is half over,  what have I done with it?  Do I need to rush out and do more?  Heck, I'm no longer young. TV is no longer catering to *me.*  All of these things have run through my head at some point. Worse, is the thought that someday I might be gone and nothing I did will be remembered.  This is the case for most people sooner or later, however, and I at least can redirect my thoughts when this happens. 

There is one thing I am worried about, however, I told my roommate I wanted a Colt 1911 for my birthday. This was a ploy to get her to search and get a job. It worked. She's now teaching at the same community college I am attending.  However, I don't really *want* a handgun. In part, this is a matter of personal responsibility. I don't think I'm the type of person who should own a handgun, and I really think my roommate needs a gun safe. I've asked her not to keep her loaded pistol by her bed, but I can't do much about that.  At least I don't think she's planning on buying one.  If she is planning on doing this, I'll have to lie in the bed I made.  If she's concerned for my safety, a can of pepper spray would serve the same purpose.  She also needs to get over the idea that increasing firearms rights are going to fix the fascism of the Trump administration.  I can't get her to accept that firearms don't fix everything and that I'd rather not go out in one last blaze of glory. (She has some bizarre ideas that come from her siege mentality psychology.  I want to get the hell out of here if the Trump administration's fascism becomes a problem.)
sinisterporpoise: (Default)
 I’ve avoiding posting political updates, health statuses, and even stories about transgender issues on Facebook lately.  I’ve not been too successful with some of these, especially items about the health, but I got the impression that most people do not really care. They just want to hear the phrase “I’m fine” even if I am not, although I do appreciate the one friend who keeps asking if I’m all right every time I give some expression of pain.

If I examine why I avoid things, it’s the fear of criticism. I know this old demon from social anxiety disorder, and I’ve always found it strange I can share things with people I’ll probably never meet face-to-face on the Internet.  I need to stop doing this, and in fact, I’ll have to go out of my way to start re-posting transgender updates and political posts on Facebook. No one who knows what I’ve been through in the past year should be all that surprised that my views might have changed.  And I’d be surprised if the Terre Haute Mind’s Eye Society people don’t already know that I’m transgender. Testosterone has already done its damage, and it’s hard to hide at my age, even though it is not impossible.  Besides, I also believe Mystique was right when she said “I shouldn’t have to” in the second X-Men movie.

Avoiding health status updates is more complicated. I tried to at one time because I thought people were getting annoyed.  Then I started getting probing, concerned, and somewhat ridiculous questions from my grandmother like, “Will you still be able to walk?”  (Uh, why wouldn’t I? I only had bone spurs removed from my big toes.)  I’ve gone back to doing some health status updates just so the family information network gets to where it needs to go. 

Other Issues

I found out something I did not know about low-income housing in Terre Haute. Not all of it is connected to HUD or Section 8. If this extends to other places as well, other than the small towns I lived in long ago, it may give me a chance to go someplace where the safety net programs aren’t quite as restrictive or unsupportive as Indiana.  I will have to look into this further.  Now, where do I want to go?  Pennsylvania is familiar, and I’ve wanted to go to New Mexico for a long time. I might avoid the desert southwest, however. I don’t think the drought is going to end until the region’s population declines

And an unrelated note, I found out my ankles have an unusually large range of mobility. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with this information. It’s nice to explain the ankle problems. She also said it might be why soft-tissue inflammation is showing up on the ankle X-rays that have been taken this year.  Does it mean I should switch from low-top sneakers to high tops otherwise?

sinisterporpoise: (Default)
it amuses me that I end up on Democratic and Republican mailing lists. I'm not sure how. When I play local reporter, I am trying, as much as humanly possible, to take the neutral position. If something alarms me -- like the TIGR grants -- I may editorialize a little too much.  However, I got a form in the mail today claiming to be a census.  It is a blatant attempt to ask for money, which I am not inclined to give them even if I weren't making below poverty wages. I'm also tempted to rewrite some of their questions on the form, since the War on Terror is a fraud, and I'm not big on entitlement reform at the moment.

I also love the appeal for funds. I'm so tempted to write that if they want me to donate, they should consider raising the minimum wage so it falls in line with inflation. 

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