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 The third week of classes is down, and I managed to approach the Networking Fundamentals professor and tell him that he was going to fast. I must not have been the only other person with that complaint, because he did slow down the next week. He even places the 32-bit version of Cisco's packet tracer in the class sessions for next week.  It's a good start.  I'm still not enjoying the class, but I can see it's usefulness. However, I plan on working on servers, not dealing with the cabling or the Cisco routers. Let someone else do that. Laying cables is a lot of physical work I'd find taxing and extremely painful.

Secondly, well, if anyone else reading this has EDS, except for the one person I *know* who does, can help with a problem, please do so. (I won't stop this person from providing advice, but last I heard from them, they were still running on a severe spoon deficit.) I've thought I'v'e suffered from dyscalcula for years, but now I'm wondering. After taking a quantitative reasoning course, I'm wondering if my problem isn't related to something else. I have the same terrible handwriting I've always had, and I think this causes many of my problems I've had with math over the years.  I know from previous experience that larger diameter writing utensils work.  (My third grade teacher tried this approach with many of her students with poor penmanship. This is the only time in elementary school I got VGs and Gs (As and Bs) in handwriting in elementary school. Too bad it would take three decades to figure out the reason for this.)  So, can anyone help me out here?

My hand should be entirely free of the brace soon. I've been using this time to get some writing in, but much of my time needs to be devoted to my school work. I just wish that the ODAR office would schedule my hearing soon. It would also help if the new adapter for my Dell would get here soon, but Fedex shows it as being in California.   There's another item I'm waiting for, and I'll be extremely upset if the folding cane I ordered from Amazon does show up on Friday. (Read on to find out why...)

For the past few weeks or so, I've been having difficulty accepting that I am about to turn 40.  I don't mean that I'm flat-out denying it, it's just that I've been trying to stave off the psychological blows that usually come with it.  Anyone who has or is about to reach this age knows what I'm talking about. Has my life so far made a difference? My life is half over,  what have I done with it?  Do I need to rush out and do more?  Heck, I'm no longer young. TV is no longer catering to *me.*  All of these things have run through my head at some point. Worse, is the thought that someday I might be gone and nothing I did will be remembered.  This is the case for most people sooner or later, however, and I at least can redirect my thoughts when this happens. 

There is one thing I am worried about, however, I told my roommate I wanted a Colt 1911 for my birthday. This was a ploy to get her to search and get a job. It worked. She's now teaching at the same community college I am attending.  However, I don't really *want* a handgun. In part, this is a matter of personal responsibility. I don't think I'm the type of person who should own a handgun, and I really think my roommate needs a gun safe. I've asked her not to keep her loaded pistol by her bed, but I can't do much about that.  At least I don't think she's planning on buying one.  If she is planning on doing this, I'll have to lie in the bed I made.  If she's concerned for my safety, a can of pepper spray would serve the same purpose.  She also needs to get over the idea that increasing firearms rights are going to fix the fascism of the Trump administration.  I can't get her to accept that firearms don't fix everything and that I'd rather not go out in one last blaze of glory. (She has some bizarre ideas that come from her siege mentality psychology.  I want to get the hell out of here if the Trump administration's fascism becomes a problem.)
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The year will end in a little over a day. Many people will be relieved to see the end of this year, and I am no exception. I will not be sorry to see it go.   My reasons are different, however. I do not care about the dearth of celebrity deaths. I do not think this is unusual, I just think that Generation X is now old enough to be losing their beloved celebrities. I will be anxious to see this end of the year because of a recurring theme. That theme has been nearly getting ahead only to have it pulled at the last minute. There’s also the bit at the end of the year which I will get into shortly.

However, let’s pause for a second. I usually use these to reflect on the previous year and include lessons I’ve learned.  Last year I had difficulty, but I think I’ve got some for this year. If there’s any upside to becoming chronically ill, it’s that it’s increased my empathy for other people who have been down or are going down the path I am now treading.  I would not want anyone to go down this particular path just to gain this knowledge. Anyone who has been there know how much it sucks. If they developed it long after childhood, they know how they viewed people in chronic pain before. I assume like me, they regretted it.

Forgive me, I’m trying not to complain. I’m grateful for the increased empathy.  It’s helped me better understand what other people are going through. I’m thankful for the opportunity I had to re-examine my beliefs and to be given an opportunity for personal growth.  Personal growth is always painful. I just thought it would never be so painful physically.

I’ve also had an opportunity to meet some wonderful, compassionate people. (Although I wonder if I’m coming off as a hypochondriac sometimes. I find it hard to believe some of the stuff I’ve been through in the past two years.)   I’ve even had to accept some of my relationships with family members were unhealthy and emotionally abusive.  I’m not going to mention which ones.

Now, I’m ending this year slightly scared, and at this point people may stop reading.  There’s medial stuff following.  

Ok, stop reading….

If you’re still here at this point, I got a call yesterday from my endocrinologist. For the first time ever, I had my A1C tested. Now, I know there’s a family history. I know being overweight, and having Hashimoto’s Disease are risk factors for developing Type II diabetes. (The last one is also a risk factor for developing Type I diabetes.)   I just thought she’d continue testing my glucose levels, which have always come back within the normal range.

Any way, they were elevated. I heard the phrase pre-diabetes. For the last day or so, I’ve had to wonder what this means. Does this mean I’ll need to inject things? Does it mean I need to test my blood sugar regularly? Does it mean I’ll have to make more dietary changes.

Today, after doing some reading I am calmer. It’s just most likely going to be controlled through diet and what little exercise I can do. It means that it will be mostly diet and calorie counting. Not wanting to develop diabetes is one of the many reasons I started exercising two years ago.  (And it was this exercise program that probably set off my fibromyalgia and led me to discover I had Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.)  Things aren’t that bad yet.

But they could be if I don’t take this seriously.

sinisterporpoise: (Default)
 September is Chronic Pain Awareness Month. (Although I have to ask, how many people aren't aware that chronic pain exists?) I'll be posting something on them daily and trying to promote these posts. Given the events of the last few weeks, I thought it'd be time to revisit this photograph.  The next two days will focus on diseases I've been diagnosed with.

[Description: A brown-haired, blue-eyed woman on a beige background. She wears a purple shirt with a back and white-striped ribbon. Braces adorn her wrists, knees, and right ankle.]

Captiion:
  • Do you suffer from Crhonic pain?
  • Have you been told or do you feel you have fibromyalgia?
  • Easy or unexplained bruising?
  • IBS, Acid Reflux, or other Gastrointestinal issues?
  • Do you have hypermobile joints or  are you double-jointed?
  • Do you injure easily or have unexplained fractures or bruises?
  • Fragile skin that tears easily or poor or slow wound healing?
  • Do you injure easily? Unexplained dislocations or fractures?
  • Problems with balance? Are you the clumsy one?
  • Velvety smooth or stretchy skin?
  • Are doctors stumped or clueless when they try to figure you out?
  • Have you heard of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome?




And the answers for me  right now are: yes, yes, yes (although I still believe this is PLMD in most cases), yes, no, yes -- ankles, yes, not that I've noticed, and I think my primary care physician has no idea what's wrong with me exactly.

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